A little about me

Okay, so I know I have already done something similar, but I think it’s time I update this a little. 

Last year was difficult. One of my best friends died due to a combination of factors, her mental illness (she struggled with a few) and a complete let down in her care. Well in my option.

Last year my gran had a stroke and has since been near enough bed-ridden, meaning my dad has hardly been able to come to England. My sister graduation university, studying medicine, and I started my part time course in Pastry. Last year I had some input from services with my personality disorder, but only a little, and this year I fought to get back into therapy for my eating disorder (I’ve been formally diagnosed with Bulimia, although I still find it difficult to come to terms with it all)

Anyway, so I am now 23 years old. I’m a female who lives just outside of London. I am still working on a better relationship with my family, we are slowly getting there, well, mostly. I have an older sister (but we rarly talk) a younger brother, who’s relationship is slowly improving and both my parents. My dad works in Germany, my mum here in England, I live alone due to a big variety of factors, and that’s okay. 

I compelled my level 2 pastry course in June.. Well only just. I had relapsed quit badly and very almost ended my life.. My eating got out of hand (when was it ever normal though..) 

I’m still in therapy for my eating.. Here in England you’re put on a waiting list, I waited for about 3 months, which is not that bad, in other places in this country people wait over a year. I was given 24(?) I think (?) sessions, and I now only have 10(?) sessions left.. Roughly. I’m not too sure. In between this my therapist has changed.. Great, as if it wasn’t hard enough opening up to one person. 

I was due to go back to college in September.. Well I did go back.. But only for a little while. I know I need to work on my eating, and I think being in that environment was making it worse, so I had to make a decision. Take some time out, get stronger and hopefully return a better person, or continue, get worse, and probably need more time off in the long term. Of course it wasn’t that simple, and I was heart broken. I love the work, and I know it’s what I want todo in my life, but I’m not ready yet. 

So, that’s what I’m trying to do. I want to write my stuff here. I don’t care if nobody reads. I think it’s more to document things, and have an outlet for myself. Im planning on writing a few political stuff.. Well my views on them.. Some life stuff. Therapy… A bit of everything I hope. I’d like to raise some awareness along the way. Even help make people less alone.. If I can.
Sending love to you all. Stay strong. x

Christmas and new year

Dear all readers, I’m sorry I’ve not been posting in a while! Christmas and new year have been super busy and have not had much time.

The money I received from my gran for Christmas I spent on a new laptop, which is red an touch screen which I love.
That’s probably the only good thing that’s come of the past few weeks.

I had a massive argument with my sister on New Year’s Eve and watched the fireworks in tears.. And spent all night crying and self harming.

I’ve just finished my 8th day of work in a row.. Too exhausted. It’s all just been getting to me.
My support worker hasn’t been in over the Christmas an new year period, and my care co is in Australia.. She doesn’t have a visa to work in this country at the moment… Meaning I am alone in everything.

Anyway.. Thank you for reading. Hope you are all ok. Thinking of you all. x