So much for writing more often.. I’m really sorry.
I had a car accident about a month ago.. Nothing too serious. My car was still drivable, and the other person involved in the accident wasn’t injured either. But, after spending so many years in fear of driving.. Finally finishing lessons and passing my test, getting my car.. And then this to happen.. Well it doesn’t take a genius to figure.. It’s affected my confidence driving massively again. My car is currently at the garage getting its repairs.. Costing a lot.. when I had the accident I truily felt like it was a sign.. Like I was supposed to die.. And it’s been hard to stop myself from thinking that way still, even after over a month.
This has, in turn caused a lot of stress having to make phone calls.. Which I hate. And just generally talking to people I don’t know.. It’s made me not want to leave my flat.
Anyway, logically I know it could have been a lot worse.. My car will be fixed hopefully soon, no one was injured. Logically I know all this.. But emotionally it’s all a different story. Like my therapist used to always say ‘you can’t logic yourself out of an emotion.’
So, the week after the therapy session where I felt like I wanted to quit, last week Friday, I had therapy again.. And that time it was much much better. She understood more how much I haven’t been coping.. But now she’s off for 3 weeks. Great.
So then I had my appointment with my GP on Thursday just gone at 11:40.. But was half hour late.. I understand that, but it just makes me panic more. Baring in mind my support worker had written a letter to my GP saying she was ‘fearful of my life’ or something.. Anyway, I’d been self harming the evening before, and even a couple hours before. So my GP dressed it.. And sent me to a&e with a letter… She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want me going home feeling the way I was. She even spoke about me to other doctors in the surgery, how embarrassing. A&E did nothing as usual.. I now have no medication for tonight.. How can they repeatedly ignore me like this..? And the other services..? My therapist is on leave for 3 weeks.. The only ‘useful’ thing they suggested is that they would contact the service and see if someone would contact me to ‘check in’.. So fed up. I can’t cope with all these feelings..
I’m at a stage where I don’t know what todo with myself anymore. Like I feel like I’ve tried to ask for help.. Others have tried for me.. But somehow people don’t take me seriously. I hate the system.