In a thinky mood.

Hi all, I’m sorry for being so MIA these past few months. Things are still a challenge to say the least.

I watched one of my all time favourite films today, and it got me thinking.. Never good, I know. It was a film about a woman who decides to cook her way through a French cook book in a year.
I’m still so unsure of what I want to do with my life, or at least I know what I want, I just don’t have a way of getting there. I know with all my heart now that I want to become a pastry chef.. But I have no real qualifications, and no experience. I worked for 6 months in a kitchen, which lead me to have another mental health breakdown, and flared up my eating disorder. I still want to do this though, but I have no chance. I think the thing holding me back is fear. Fear that I will not succeed, fear of letting people down and most importantly fear of loosing hope. If I apply for a job, I have no real references, I mean I’ve had to take so much time out of work and education due to my mental health its a bit of a joke really. Plus I don’t really know much about being a pastry chef other than that’s what I want to become. Times are tough with jobs, especially here in London, and I mean honestly, who would even want to higher someone like me..? I’m unreliable.

But how I wish I could do this. How I wish someone out there would give me a chance. I’m 21 years old, with no real future or career prospected, is it any wonder I find life so challenging. Who doesn’t?

Anyway, I guess I needed somewhere to ramble. Thank you all for reading. Stay strong.

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