So, this week has taken everything out of me. The fog inside my head is unbearable.
Last week Wednesday I had my last eating disorder group.. This made me feel even worse. Even though I will still be getting support for my eating.. And I’m still on a waiting list for individual therapy for it, everyone at the group was saying how much they had benefitted and are getting better.. And there was me, just as confused as the beginning.
Then Monday I had my last day at college. All my friends are really happy that I’ve completed this course.. The first I’ve completed in over 5 years.. Even my work said how proud they are of me.. But I’m not. I’m disappointed in myself. I didn’t do this apprenticeship the way I was supposed to, the way I planned.. How can I be proud of not working for over 6 months..?!
Anyway, this has, yet again pushed me back down.. I’ve been ignoring home treatment.. Well they were cutting my visits down to twice weekly anyway.. But I’ve not spoken to anyone from them since Sunday.. My own fault. I know it’s selfish.. But I don’t want to face everyone. I’m too ashamed of myself.. Too embarrassed. I’m scarred that they’re going to think that I’m doing better and discharge me.. So I’m even more alone then already am. I need more help at the moment.. Not less.
Anyway, that’s all for today. Thank you for reading.
Stay strong. ❤️