Food shopping

So, I spent 4 hours in a supermarket a couple of days ago.. It was all too much for me being surrounded by the different types of food.. Calories and fat content.. I scratched my hand so much it started to bleed..
When I got past security in the lift I burst into tears.. The amount of tears that I’ve shed because of this dam mental health..
Feeling more and more overwhelmed. Hopeless and at the end. Not sure how to end this.
Thank you for reading.

Asda and Tesco.. Amongst other stuff

I’ve been wanting to write a post about the goings on of the costumes that were sold in Asda and Tesco. I was going to post here yesterday, but I was very upset and didn’t want to go on a rant.
For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, Asda was selling a consume for Halloween called ‘Mental Patient’, and Tesco a costume called Psych Ward’. Now yesterday it all went public and it went in the news papers.
The costumes had been removed, apologies said and in Asda’s case donated money to Mind..
Anyway, on twitter outrage, people posting pictures of themselves to show everyone how mental patients really look like.. VERY NORMAL!
Some people say that it was an overreaction… I feel like it was very necessary. It’s this type of discrimination that fuels stigma, I believe.
It would not be ok to dress as a cancer patient or anything of the sort.. So it should not be any different for a ‘mental patient’. Physical and mental health are equal and should be treated that way. 1 in 4 of us will experience mental health problems. The sad part is that people with mental health difficulties are discriminated against and still live in fear of the stigma. In my opinion everything that can be done to stop this needs to be done. The whole debacle and outrage of the costumes shows that if enough people shout about something that is unfair and unacceptable people will have to listen and do something about it.

Apologies and donations are good, but let’s hope that lessons have been learnt, not only by Asda and Tesco, but to anyone who has made a stereotype that people with mental health are all dangerous, mad criminals. We’re not. We are just as ‘normal as everyone one else.

Things

So, I’m sorry about my lack of posting. I’ve been trying very hard to think of a good post.. But haven’t really come up with one. I think I’m just going to ramble a little, so please bear with me and be a bit patient.

I’ve been really struggling. My support worker found out about my eating.. And confronted me about it. I told him. He told my care coordinator.. I had a meeting last week with her and a psychiatrist doctor… They said I have an eating dissorder. I didn’t realize how bad I was. I’m still struggling with it. I’ve got a couple of close friends with eating disorders, and it wouldn’t say I was that bad.. No where near as bad actually. But the professionals wouldn’t listen.

I have a couple of friend who have been really unwell and am really worried about them. Well, there’s lots of friends that I’m worried about to be truthful. They all mean so much to me and I would do almost anything I can to help them.

My support network has had a bit of a glitch, as so many of my fiends are struggling.. I haven’t wanted to let them know what’s really going on. Hardly anyone knows. Even professionals don’t really know.

I know people say not to get too involved with others that are struggling when you yourself are, and it’s the advice I would give to anyone in my position. But, as always, I can’t take my own advice. I feel so strongly that I need to help my friends, I’ve had two friends, one close and one that I only really knew, that took their lives two years ago.. And I feel very responsible. I feel I need to help my friends more than ‘normal’ as I am always scarred to lose them.
I know it’s draining me.. It’s making me worse.. But I need to help them. People, I’m sure don’t understand.

I think that’s about it really. I’m sorry for the ramble. I hope you are all ok.
Thank you for reading. 🙂 x

Tattoos

So, as promised, a post on tattoos. I myself have two, but know lots of people that have more.
My family all disapprove of me having tattoos, but it’s my body and my life.
My first tattoo I got over a year ago. But it’s not one I’m going to discuss in this blog because its very special to me and lots of my friends so it wouldn’t be fair on them.
My second is a semi-colon on the side of my left hand. It symbolises what a semi-colon really symbolises. A sentience that could have been ended. For me it means that I am the writer of my own life and I could and almost did.. But I didn’t. Every time I feel like ending it all I will look at the tattoo and remind myself that I managed to get through it before. And if I need to make a decision I can look at it and remember that I am making it for myself.

Please remember that you are all writers of your life. People will influence what happens, but it is important to never let others write it for you. Something I am still learning.
Thank you for reading.

Hair and general change

So, lots of things are changing for me at the moment, and I needed a monumental thing to show that.. So a change in hair style was the one. I have also had another tattoo done, but that will come in another blog.
Hair for me is always a difficult one as I had an incident 2 years ago where I shaved off all my hair.. not that I remember the majority of it.  

Two years later my hair has grown, and today I visited the hair dresser for only the second time since. It alway scares me now, and so do not go often. I avoid it as I do with lots of things really.

But today I bitt the bullet as they say and had it cut. I even had a fringe put in so look even more different. My anxiety has gone right up and was close to tears as I watched my hair falling to the ground. I plan on colouring my hair also.. But have not fully recovered.. And have not for the guts as yet.

Change can always be a scary thing, which I know lots avoid. But changing, especially for the better, is good and sometimes very necessary.

Thank you for reading! x